F16’s Don’t Kill People, 500 Lb. Bombs Kill People

I really don’t know how much more of this I can take.

That’s right, 100 mph wind. No rotation (thank God) but still. Golf ball sized hail too. I was making dinner when the weather alarm went off. Every time the alarm sounds now I feel like my legs are going to go out from under me.

I grew up in the Midwest, tornado drills are part of my childhood, and I know what to do in an emergency-but I don’t think I can take very much more of this. I understand every reigon has severe weather, but this is so unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. That weather radio is going off every single day.  

All this rain has turned our area in to a swamp. I wouldn’t be shocked if we all came down with malaria.

So where’s a good place to live without severe weather? 

As promised, here is another weekly home economics lesson. This week’s subject is home preserving with a water bath canner. I’ll leave pressure canning for another week.

I’ll say from the outset that I will not preserve fruit without putting it through a water bath for at least ten minutes. People will tell you that they’ve always just hot-packed into sterilised jars and never caught botulism. I will tell you that they have been fortunate, but stupid nonetheless. Organisms in the soils are much different than they were twenty or thirty years ago and it is recommended by the USDA to follow water bath guidelines. The days of melting a bit of paraffin over the top of jelly are gone.

It is important to be extremely sanitary when doing home canning. Set aside adequate time and make sure all your surfaces and utensils are in order. Sterilise everything. That’s a good guideline anyway, but for canning (and cheese making) it is crucial. Once the fruit is ready to pack, you will need to work fast-having everything ready to go avoids fumbling around in drawers and risking possible contamination.

The fruit and vegetables used for canning should be as fresh as possible and in excellent shape. Think of it this way-from the moment the produce was picked it has been decomposing (spoiling). Don’t purchase (or pick) more than you can preserve in a couple of days. On a related note, don’t convince yourself that you’ll make batch after batch in a single day-you won’t. Canning is hot, on-your-feet work and after a well-made batch is completed you’ll just want to sit down with a nice cool drink and admire your handiwork. It won’t be enjoyable if you spend sixteen hours on your feet cutting, cooking and canning fruit and vegetables.

Once you’ve followed the recipe directions (and canning guidelines available from the USDA and your local Extension Office) leave the jars alone. They should be spaced a couple inches apart on a firm surface away from drafts. The jars need to sit undisturbed for 24 hours, or they could shatter. You do not want that to happen after all your hard work. Keep those fingers busy doing the dishes and putting your canning materials away neatly for next time-but don’t touch the jars. Admire them from a distance.

So now you’re wondering, how to be certain everything went OK. If you followed the directions and left adequate headspace and remembered to remove the air bubbles with a small spatula, you should be looking good. Always remember to wipe the jars before sealing them to ensure a good seal. Next day, remove the screw band and press a finger in the centre of the lid. If it pops back, it did not seal. I always like to try and lift the lid with a fingernail as a second proof. If both these things are good-it worked. Wipe the jars with some white vinegar on a rag (to remove hard water deposits on the glass from the canner) and you’re ready to start the next project. Some jellies and jams take a while to completely set, so don’t worry if it still looks a bit runny. Of course, if the set completely failed, you can remove the fruit and re-cook it according to directions. If you’re going to do this, it must be done immediately.

Yesterday, I made red plum jam. Tonight, I prepared bing cherries for preserves tomorrow (they have to sit 18 hours prior to cooking and canning). The day after, I have apricots. Last week, it was strawberry and blueberry jam (oh, that blueberry jam is good. It is going to be even better when I’m eating it in December).

View the red plum jam HERE.

 View grapefruit/orange marmalade HERE

How about some freezer jam?

Strawberry? Blueberry? 

Still afraid of canning? That’s OK. Try this strawberry jam that keeps a week in the fridge. 

Think I’m going overboard? Check out THIS couple that have been tracking their canning adventures since 1966!

Happy canning.

 Actually, a rat’s kidneys.

Funny, the rodent nibbling and excreting that went on in my crawl space last autumn lacked the charm of Emily Gravett’s work. Next year, I’m baiting the crawl space with yoghurt-who knew rats love yoghurt? Who knew they suffered anxieties? It does sound like an awfully neat little book.

Farm living has cured me of thinking rodents, in any form are cute. I say that as I am contemplating getting a small rodent as a pet for Danny, because the child needs a pet of his own (not our surly, elderly poodle that sits under the sofa snorting at all passers).  

Hopefully, the kid won’t be collecting the pet’s piss for any art projects.

Forty million for a painting of pond scum, eh? They don’t even look like water lilies…more like something that’s supposed to resemble a water lily…what’s the word I’m looking for?

He’s painted dozens of these things-I can prove it because there are a couple of them hanging at The Art Institute in Chicago right at this very moment. Must have been some sort of  "paint by numbers" racket where he’d make some minor change in the colour of the pond and call it The Water Lilies-actually he probably called it Les Lilies Eau. Fucking French and their pretensions. Lingua Franca my foot up your filthy French arsehole…wait, sorry, that’s the only part of their bodies that gets regular cleansing thanks to the bidet.

Forty million pounds for a painting of a frog pond that doesn’t even have a frog in it (no, I mean the animal-not a Frenchman). How could any self-respecting "artiste" overlook something that obvious?  I mean, they’re water lilies for fuck’s sake. You know, lily pads? Geez, pay me forty million pounds and I’ll show you how to draw a pond full of lily pads, and I’ll toss in the frog for free.

A while back we had to take Danny to the hospital to get checked out after a fall. The Doctor on duty in the ER laughed and suggested he try to be a bit more careful and told us to ice the bump. Sure, we probably overreacted, but the peace of mind was worth it.

We still had a small balance to pay when the tornado hit, and the bill was destroyed along with some other paperwork. My husband called the billing office at the hospital and explained the situation, and could they please re-send the bill?  Today we get a call telling us that the bills were going to be reduced by 20% for everyone in our town because of the tornado.  

That’s so mind boggling I can’t believe it. It wasn’t a large sum of money for our bill, but 20% is still rather generous. I’m sure they’ll still hound you for every last penny under ordinary circumstances, but this did strike me as being quite decent.

Today’s fun bit of nostalgia-metal clicker bug toys.

I bought Danny one at the Ben Franklin for .39 cents. I’m sure I’ll regret it after a couple days of click-click-click, but he does seem to be enjoying it.  

Making the perfect cheese sandwich…with science!

I still cannot decide if this is awful, or kind of sweet.

I’ll take any excuse I can get to distract myself these days. Danny turns 3 1/2 tomorrow so I baked him an elaborate cake-farm. Aw, go ahead and look, you know you want to.

I knew the problem wasn’t mine, as the woman all but shoved my debit card back at me muttering:

"It ain’t no good."

I said something to the effect of it was impossible,and she sneered and told me to call my bank. I dug in my purse for twenty dollars, counting out the last bit in change as she hrrrumphed and snorted because some deadbeat was holding up her line. I had to put something back. That really pissed her off. As a parting shot she informed me that she’d never been overdrawn in her life.

Actually, being half Austrian-neither have I. I know, we’re not supposed to make cultural generalisations…

So I did. I called my bank and of course, there was plenty of money in my checking account-because I’m half Austrian and do not spend money I am not certain is in the bank. We just don’t do that.

I decided to go back and give it another try and she continued to give me attitude after I said I’d called my bank and they said there were adequate funds in my account. Then, she told me I’d have to wait as she rang up a person that had joined the line-after me. At that point, I should have walked, but it was a hot day and I didn’t feel like running all over the place for what should have been a simple twenty dollar transaction.

The card of course worked perfectly. I didn’t expect an apology, and none was forthcoming. 

"Well I’ve never been overdrawn" she repeated as I left with my purchase.  

-or does anyone else find it hilarious that the guest on Fresh Air tonight was an allergist?

I’m sorry, but I just can’t seem to collect my thoughts lately-at least not enough for a coherent post. There really isn’t much to say. We continue cleaning-up and trying to get various insurance forms filed, etc. I can honestly say, without exaggeration this is the most exhausted I’ve ever been in my life. The first month of round-the clock feedings with Danny was loads easier than this-believe it or not, I was getting more sleep. I know some people liken the birth of a child to a tornado-but it’s not; the clean up is easier with a baby.

My living space is actually pretty well dealt with, but I still haven’t gone to the attic to deal with the broken glass. I have clothes stored in plastic bins that were kept dry, so I don’t see it as a good use of my lacking energy to climb the narrow, rail-less stairs to clean up glass where no one ever goes. You know when I’ll decide to do it? Some night as I’m tossing in bed I’ll get up at three AM and go clean it up. My days and nights are so screwed-up it isn’t funny.

And now I need to buy a freaking car because mine was totaled in the storm. Know what I want? I want a nice car that is old enough that I can fix it in my driveway with tools I already own rather than making my mechanic and his magical diagnostic machine wealthy. I’m thinking something along the lines of a Rambler. Or a Valiant. God, I hate new cars that cost you fifty bucks to change the oil.

I’m sitting here thinking of all the things I could tell you about, but it really does sound like I’m whining. I mean, hell-Iowa took a worse weather hit than we did. Sure, I had 100 mph winds hit my house, but I didn’t have pig shit and pesticide-laden water up to my ceiling. I did however avail myself of the free tetanus shot the Red Cross was giving here-just in case (not that it would help much with pig shit and pesticides, but rusty nails ain’t no party either).

Given the extent of the damage, five days without electricity was pretty good. Those teams worked like mad getting all those downed poles replaced and rewired. Say what you will about FEMA but they really did do a "Heck of a job" getting money into our tiny community to rebuild. I suppose the size accounts for that-a few hundred people aren’t New Orleans. For a town that looked like a war zone just under two weeks ago, the clean up is remarkable. So many volunteers showed up to help it was really heartening. The police did close off the town briefly, but that was to keep the curious (and press) out while people assessed and registered the shock. No one was going door to door confiscating guns, and really, the main police presence consisted of the county sheriff handing out stickers to shell shocked kids. He seemed slightly uncomfortable with the task, but to his credit, he did it anyway. Under the circumstances, I’d rather make a drug bust than have to talk to freaked-out children too.

One of these days I’ll write a real post (I kept notes in the aftermath of the tornado) but for now it is all a bit too recent and I’m still dealing with it.

Thanks again to everyone for your well wishes. I have the most excellent "Sorry Your House Got Hit By A Tornado" card hanging on my fridge. I really do have the coolest friends.

I mean, holy crap, freaking tornadoes!

A patch that delivers low dose E coli to prevent the shits when travelling.

I could have used one of those when I did my fieldwork.

So uh, eat-up! 

We had quite a bit of water damage from the tornado and much of it was books and old magazines. I really didn’t want to pitch my collection of Gourmet magazines from 1971-1973. As they were more damp than soaked, here’s what I did:

First, I let them dry on a wooden drying rack. I didn’t have room for all of them, so the rest I placed on an old baby doorway gate and placed it atop the table. We cranked-up the dehumidifier for a couple days and let them dry. Then, I packed them in boxes with layers of kitty litter scattered between to work as a dessicant. So far, so good. The older magazines were printed on much sturdier paper and you can’t even tell they were wet-the newer ones buckled and warped quickly.

We did lose quite a few books though. It’s strange, you’d think magazines would fare worse, but they really didn’t. I suppose those heavy binders they were in helped quite a bit.

Our car was declared totalled yesterday which is bad news as it is quite old and we won’t get much for it-not enough to buy a new one anyway. I hated that Volvo, but it ran. Anyway, I’m trying to keep my spirits up as I continue to wipe plaster off of everything I own. 

Do try the drying rack and kitty litter trick if you ever find yourself with a collection of wet paper items. 

We just spent another hour in the storm cellar as tornadoes came through the county. It is expected to be a long, dangerous evening. A boy scout camp just across the state line in Iowa was hit tonight. The towns north and east of us both had tornado sightings tonight.

If this is going to be an every Wednesday night thing, I’m going to have to organise a community-wide Twister game. 

You can see some photos HERE.

I’ll pull together a real post soon (just got power and water back yesterday) but here’s some photos until then.  I’m still walking from room to room shaking my head in disbelief.

 I’m still getting caught up on e mail, etc. My home smells like a stagnant pond.

There’s another tornado watch tonight and the alarm has already gone off twice for thunderstorm warnings. Fun, fun, fun.