January 31, 2007
Not Amusing | # |
Uncategorized — J.S. (not the Watergate felon) Magruder @ 5:09 pm
Certainly, blogs are going to have a bit of fun with THIS story about the president losing control of a tractor whilst touring the Caterpillar factory yesterday, but it really isn’t funny. His comment after the incident was not funny, nor is his recklessness. Instead, what is on display for the world to see is an illustration of just how dangerous this individual is. Furthermore, given that the company is already being threatened with boycotts around the world for selling their equipment to the Israelis to demolish Palestinian homes, it seems a deliberate "fuck you" on the administration’s part to have the President deliver a rah-rah speech on foreign trade there. I realise that was a very long, run-on sentence-indignation has that effect on my ability to write and punctuate.
Must Be A Slow News Day | # |
Fiction — J.S. (not the Watergate felon) Magruder @ 4:14 am
I’m not really certain if this is funny or pathetic, but MSNBC just posted a “Breaking News” banner that author Sidney Sheldon died. Whoa, that’s right up there with Hemmingway splattering his brains all over the wall of his den in terms of losses to the literary world.
I tried reading one of Sheldon’s novels about thirty years ago. I don’t remember which one (is there much difference between them?) but I do remember that it was dreadfully written and slightly lewd, which wouldn’t have been a bad thing (it might have actually helped the novel) had it been less like the writing of a creepy old man. Well, it was the writing of a creepy old man. Sheldon was always old, even when he was young-and creepy. Oh, so creepy. The guy is responsible for The Patty Duke Show, and I Dream Of Genie, both solid examples of creepy old man territory.
The obit writer at AP seems to think Sheldon’s characters were empowered women, which is amusing as I always got a sort of misogynist vibe from him. Again, I wouldn’t necessarily hold that against an author (where would the world be without the writings of William S. Burroughs-that’s rhetorical, please don’t trouble yourselves attempting to answer it) however I keep returning to the idea of skill (I won’t even try to approach it with the word “talent”) which, at least from my albeit brief examination of his writing, does not appear to have been present in any discernable quantity.
As Harold Bloom* once noted of Sheldon, “God, did his writing ever suck.”
*Well, I’m confident he would say it if asked.
Peculiar Aristocratic Titles | # |
Uncategorized — J.S. (not the Watergate felon) Magruder @ 1:51 am
January 30, 2007
You Know Things Are Bad When… | # |
Fake Science — J.S. (not the Watergate felon) Magruder @ 8:49 pm
-Phyllis Schlafly is the voice of reason.
I don’t know that this can really be pinned on "liberals" though-President Bush has been pretty adamant in his support for universal mental health screening for youngsters (the programme has the Orwelian name, "New Freedom Initiative").
Poor Naming Choices | # |
Utter Rubbish — J.S. (not the Watergate felon) Magruder @ 6:55 pm
Mind you, calling it the Rape/Spouse Abuse Crisis Center, was problematic to begin with, changing the name to Voices For Hope because classroom teachers were uncomfortable with the word “rape” seems to border a bit on the absurd. I’m sure that when people who’ve been raped are looking in the telephone book for help, “Voices For Hope” is going to just leap off the page as an obvious place to start.
Arguably, it would be better to just stick to terms that describe actual things. How many times, particularly in respect to assault of prisoners do we hear the euphemism “abuse” use?. “Detainee abuse” sanitises “prisoner rape and torture.” By not describing things as they are, it provides a way to manipulate the meaning. While there may never be perfect definitions for every word, it is pretty widely accepted that “rape” implies sexual assault, whereas “abuse” can mean anything from a beating to speaking harshly to someone. How plausible is it that there are still any grade school children that are unaware of what the word “rape” means? Children are smarter than they are given credit for being. Calling it a “Church Sex Scandal” might make newspaper editors more comfortable, but kids know what is being discussed. Again, using term such as “scandal” and “abuse” seems like an attempt to dismiss incidents as less horrible than they are.
“Voices For Hope”, sounds like something The Onion would have come up with. If that’s the sort of thing they’re looking for, how about;
“Victims of Really Bad Things We Can’t Talk About For Fear Of Scandalising The Children, But We’re Still Optimistic About And Committed In Our Life Journey To Resolving In A Meaningful Way That Will Permit Community Growth.”
Or, to steal a joke from Aries Spears of Mad TV;
“Don’t be rapin’.”
In A Funk, Nebraska | # |
Romanticised Pastoral — J.S. (not the Watergate felon) Magruder @ 6:25 pm
There is a town in Nebraska named Funk. That’s so fantastic, I almost want to move there just to have a Funk mailing address. It sounds like a small town, though they do have a grain elevator. The town I live in did not have actual street addresses for the rural homes until a few years ago and every once in a while we still receive letters from the postmaster chiding us for not using them. The letters often begin with a threat to suspend delivery to people who refuse to properly address letters with numerical addresses-but it is all idle threat. The postman has lived in this town his entire life-he knows who lives where. I imagine one might still be able to address letters to Funk residents like so;
J.S. Magruder
In Funk
Nebraska, 67498
How fun would that be?
And I thought Weeping Water, and McCool Junction had awesome names.
Candy Making | # |
Uncategorized — J.S. (not the Watergate felon) Magruder @ 5:50 pm
Today is the start of the arduous process of candy making for Valentine’s day. Because I clearly do not have enough chores to fill my day, I decided to craft the gift boxes as well. Certainly, it would have been less frustrating had the new pad of construction paper not been glossy-smooth surfaced. My fault, really as I ought to know better than purchasing off-brand construction paper. Still, it is not an outrageous expectation that construction paper should withstand gluing, it is, after all, for crafts. I’m an adult, and experienced the impulse to fling the useless pad across the room and fly into a foot-stomping rage, can you imagine how utterly frustrating glue-resistant construction paper must be to a child? I’m willing to bet real money (well, twenty cents maybe…ok, make it a quarter, just so I look like a sport) there is some poor seven year old being dosed to the hilt on anti-psychotics for ADHD when all he needed was better construction paper. That’s it, from now on it is Strathmore or nothing for our household.
Here’s what I’m filling the boxes with:
Candied orange peel (which, thankfully I made last week before the price of oranges went through the roof).
Chocolate covered caramels
Chocolate dipped homemade graham crackers
Chocolate dipped almond toffee
Peanut brittle
Clove flavoured lollipops
I even purchased the padded little sheets to slip between the candy layers, and red foil wrappers for the caramels. I also have two people with February birthdays to send presents to, though it looks like they will be receiving candy this year. I cannot imagine they will mind. I actually do enjoy making candy, though I am under pressure to work fast as I will only work with hot sugar when Danny is napping. While I can gate him out of the kitchen for safety, I know that the minute I would turn from the stove to tell him to stop tormenting the dog, etc. the sugar would all burn to the pot. Candy making is a fairly exacting process, and I don’t care to attempt it under the stressful conditions of trying to keep a child out of the room, and out of trouble.
In the event everything goes to hell and I’m forced to change plans, HERE is my plan B (one of the last authentic barley sugar candy makers in the US).
Overweight Children To Be Listed As Abused | # |
Utter Rubbish — J.S. (not the Watergate felon) Magruder @ 3:11 am
-and in some cases, removed to foster care. What the hell is happening to England?
Link-O-Rama | # |
Uncategorized — J.S. (not the Watergate felon) Magruder @ 2:02 am
You knew THIS was coming. Hey, can people be neutered at the same time?
And you sort of suspected THIS was as well.
Bee Stings used to treat gangrene.
Do as the law man says.
Police state Britain now using fire brigades to spy on motorists.
I agree, summer squash should never, ever be served steamed. Yuck.
If true, THIS is scary shit.
A handy guide to corporate and government front groups.
Spy blimps.
The problem with letting every damn municipality, police force and the feds compile "terrorist lists" without any oversight.
It might not be awl they find (sorry, had to make that joke. I read that they put out some adze in the paper about it).
Some very amusing recipes. Hey, can you spot the arrogant celebrity chef? Hint, he’s the one that provides a photograph of himself rather than the dish he’s preparing.
Hey, these company layoffs are hurting my mental health. Someone send in the rapists (I mean, therapists).
The best blog I’ve stumbled upon lately.
Sterilise sponges in the microwave (but please, please, please-wet the sponge first).
I can’t believe they were even considering charging parents child support for their children DSS took away.
Go find some real crime to police-it should not be that difficult in a city where people are being murdered night after night.
Morons at FedEx refuse to ship empty containers because of joke labels.
Go visit my friend Raymond’s new blog about the arts. Go on, leave nice comments.
Microchips for newborns (tin-foil hat alert-I cannot vouch for the validity of this as it sounds a bit too hysterical).
I know there’s a Jewish mother joke in here somewhere. At least she gets to select her own daughter-in-law…sort of. I’m sorry, this is just a bit too weird, even for me. I certainly would not want to go out on the limb of deciding what is, or is not a family, but come on, this is slightly gruesome.
Other interesting things you can do with the microwave.
January 29, 2007
Children’s Picture Books-A Top 25 List | # |
Uncategorized — J.S. (not the Watergate felon) Magruder @ 8:50 pm
Becky at Farm School (where I lurk daily, and just as often, am brought to tears by the beauty of her life and writing) responded to a post by another home schooling blog about favourite children’s picture books. I wasn’t surprised to see some overlap in our lists. I can no longer keep track of how many times I’ve gone to her blog and she’s discussing some obscure book or piece of music that we also own. She’s also an avid bread baker. Sometimes, the parallels in our lives are pretty remarkable. It does sound however, as though her farm dwelling experience is going better than ours. Perhaps she can offer a useful post on fly control before the spring invasion.
I had a difficult time limiting the list to twenty-five books. I compiled from memory (without looking at the bookshelves) figuring that the most memorable would keep me from including the books that border on pretentious. You know what I mean-the books purchased to impress someone. Oh, stop lying, you’ve done so as well-everyone does at some point. I wanted to compile a list of my must-haves, not a list of books I think someone more sophisticated might be impressed that I have. Anyway, the not looking at the stacks is keeping me honest, but may also be overlooking some gems. Perhaps I can add a few more later in the week.
1. Guess How Much I Love You-McBratney/Jeram
2. Arm In Arm-Remy Charlip
3. Sam and the Firefly-P.D. Eastman
4. A Child’s Garden of Verses-Big Golden Book edition
5. The Golden Egg Book-Margaret Wise Brown
6. My World-Margaret Wise Brown/Clement Hurd
7. On The Day You Were Born-Debra Frasier
8. The Little Boy Who Would Not Say His Name
9. Make Way For Ducklings-Robert McCloskey
10. Humm the Singing Hamster
11. The Saggy Baggy Elephant
12. Go Dogs, Go-P.D. Eastman
13. Tibor Gergely’s Great Big Book of Bedtime Stories
14. Richard Scarry’s Best Story Book Ever
15. Shirley Temple’s Storybook
16. The Real Mother Goose
17. ABC Book of Early Americana-Eric Sloane
18. Jesus Christ-Daniel Berrigan
19. The Wee Little Man-Jean Horton Berg
20.I Am Papa Snap And These Are My Favorite No Such Stories-Tomi Ungerer
A few explanations are in order. I’m well aware of the discomfort people have with the Richard Scarry books (gender inequality, ethnocentrism, etc.) however I do not feel they are malicious. Yes, all the little French animals are carrying around baguettes, and all the Canadians are named “Pierre”, generalisations about national identity that apparently never are manifested outside of dated storybooks and hockey-matches. The mothers all wear aprons. Still, they are drawings of animals. I understand the problems with gender representation, yet I disagree that it is as dangerous as some will claim. Still, I understand parents feeling uncomfortable with books-I packed away my husband’s childhood copy of Little Black Sambo.
Are the P.D. Eastman books junk? Probably. I did learn the word “Thermometer” as a child from Sam and the Firefly, a book I insisted my father read nightly. The illustrations in Go Dogs Go appear rather uninteresting, yet children really seem to zero in on the small details. I’m going to go ahead and assume that my feelings about these books stem from the association with Cat in the Hat books-a sort of undeserved guilt-by-association that probably has more to do with my own personal pretensions than the quality of the books.
Danny has been looking at Make Way For Ducklings since the day he came home from the hospital. At 36 weeks pregnant, I was leaning my gigantic belly over the dining room table and drawing scenes from the book on large foam boards in sepia coloured art markers. One scene was over the changing table and Danny’s first word (after “dada”) was “duck.” The first time he realised the ducks in the book were the same ones on his bedroom walls, he broke into the most wonderful smile. I’ll never remember all the ducklings names by heart (though I do make up some new ones on occasion) still, I’d be happy to make this a nightly read for Daniel, if I could just tear him away from Goodnight Moon.
Sure, the Daniel Berrigan book wasn’t really intended to be a children’s book, sort-of. Still, it reads better than The Dark Night of the Resistance(to a toddler anyway), and it is illustrated. I thought it might be nice for Danny to have a Daniel Berrigan book, given he’s named for him.
Finally, the Eric Sloane ABC Book, is just about the most attractive alphabet book I’ve ever seen. I purchased it at a Friends of the Library sale in Omaha and it breaks my heart that it was withdrawn from the collection. I do hope it was replaced with a newer edition, though this copy looks as though the book was never read. It is a lovely book.
At some point I should make a list of 25 young reader’s books a s well though it might be difficult to limit the list to 25. I will say now, that if you can get your hands on any of John Gardner’s children’s books-they are well worth the money.
What Was I Thinking? | # |
Dannypants — J.S. (not the Watergate felon) Magruder @ 5:29 pm
Since the bongo drums and the wooden slide whistle went over so well with Danny, I reckoned there wouldn’t be much harm in a toy microphone that amplifies through a portable cassette player. Anyone remember "Mr. Microphone?"
I hadn’t anticipated the feedback problem. I wonder how many children have gone deaf from this product? I wonder how many parents have turned alcoholic after hours of listening to loud screeching interspersed with verses of John Henry.
"John Henry when he was a baby/ screeeeeeecccchhhhh/sitting on his mother’s knee/
Picked up a/eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee/ in his little right hand/this toy be the end of me, me, me"/
Still, it is wonderfully amusing to see little Danny carrying his microphone around making-up songs like some sort of junior lounge singer.
"Handsome Dan/he’s our man/ he likes to eat bananas/
Handsome Dan/ eats bananas/every day."
To think, I protested when L wanted to buy him a set of maracas, citing noise potential.
January 26, 2007
The Aurora Bridge | # |
Uncategorized — J.S. (not the Watergate felon) Magruder @ 10:27 pm
Wow, grief counselors with a regular gig at an office building next to a bridge popular with the suicidal. Now that’s a billing dream. I know you’re expecting me to mock the traumatised office workers, but come on. If a body landed atop my parked car, I’d be a bit disturbed by it as well. Instead, I want to share an amusing story about this particular bridge.
My husband’s family moved to Seattle when he was a pre-teen. Ten years ago, we paid a visit to my in-laws for the first time. As we started to cross the bridge with my mother-in-law at the wheel, L began rapidly stating:
"If the bridge collapsed now we’d have a ninety percent chance of surviving, seventy percent, fifty percent", and so-on until it was zero at the centre. As she ignored him (having put up with this routine for some time) the odds got better until (whew!) we made it to the other side. I sat there stunned until they informed me that it was a running joke of many, many years.
And no, I didn’t see any jumpers when I was there*. I was present when someone leapt from the top of a building in Harvard Square some time back (I worked practically beneath the building he jumped from) but I cannot say that it left me particularly upset. As I recall, it wasn’t even interesting or out of the ordinary as students frequently off themselves around finals. Chicago used to have an unwritten rule that you were excused from finals if your roommate committed suicide, though I cannot verify that anyone ever took them up on it.
*I’m not being cruel to the suicidal. I’m being cruel to the people that profit off the suicidal. It’s their lives, they should be permitted to live or end them as they see fit without intrusion from government or the brain brigade. The idea of protecting people from themselves is just a bit too paternalistic for my tolerance. Furthermore, take a look at the laughable list of "are you depressed" questions provided at the end of the article. Like that isn’t a commercial for the drug makers.
Green Noodles | # |
Uncategorized — J.S. (not the Watergate felon) Magruder @ 9:42 pm
I’m mad for cookbooks. Were it not for the warning glance of my husband when we’re out book hunting, I’d take home every self-published elementary school and church group cookbook I could get my hands on. As a general rule, fundraiser cookbooks from the 60’s and 70’s don’t contain recipes you’d actually want to try. I might as well confess to having never purchased a bottle of tarragon vinegar when it was the height of sophistication around 1979. Tarragon was the chipotle of the 70’s. If tarragon was the chipotle, tinned water chestnuts were yesteryear’s portabellas. The two come together in a ghastly fashion in something called "Chinese Cole Slaw" in a cookbook from 1976. Sour cream, green goddess dressing and mandarin oranges still cannot make that recipe anything short of an abomination. I suppose that’s largely the appeal.
I’ve been having an inexplicable craving for spinach-flavoured noodles. Mind you, the ones in a tri-colour rotini are pretty tasteless and it has been decades since I’d seen the spinach noodles sold alone. Luckily, I live in Nebraska where for the most part, it is still the mid-70’s. I only had one brand to choose from, and it was fettuccini.
I dug out the worst offender of my cookbook collection-a fundraiser for an elementary school in the Midwest, from 1974. Now, I know you’re going to think I’m making this up, so I’d be happy to make Xerox copies available upon request, but the woman who is responsible for my side dish this evening is one Phyllis Futterman. I even tried Googling her name hoping that some enterprising grandchildren decided to collect their Bubbe’s recipes and put them on line-but no such luck. That leaves the legacy of Mrs. Futterman’s green noodle and cottage cheese dish* in my hands. If all goes well, I’ll photograph the monstrosity and offer directions over at the food blog, but I’m guessing we’re in for a disappointment. It appears (glancing through the cookbook) that Mrs. Futterman was quite the gourmet. I alternately feel pity and envy for her children, imagining them trying to gag down forkfuls of "Polynesian Beef" which involves cubed sirloin tips, garlic, paprika, pineapple, celery, tomatoes (cut in eighth’s-she’s specific about that) and soy sauce. A few pages later, she’s back with her "Pineapple orange seafood" which subjects halibut to the pineapple orange treatment along with a healthy dose of dry mustard. My favourite however is a recipe for Lemon Chiffon Cake that has an instruction to cook egg yolks in a double boiler until they are "custardly."
Yes, I’ll be making Phyllis Futterman’s green noodle and cottage cheese dish for dinner this evening. I may even take a stab at her D-Zerta Diet Jello Mold with (yeah, you guessed it) pineapple and mandarin oranges. If any of Mrs. Futterman’s children should stumble across this post whilst Googling their own wonderfully unique surname, drop me an email and I’ll be happy enough to send along your mother’s recipes. I wouldn’t want to deny anyone a serving of Polynesian Beef.
*Mind you, my own mother was a terrible cook, and she had a rather amusing name as well.
Friday Toddlerblogging | # |
Dannypants — J.S. (not the Watergate felon) Magruder @ 1:58 pm
Enjoying the snowstorm
"Hey, who left me a sink full of dirty dishes?"
"Eat-up duckie, mummy’s making fois gras" (oh for God’s sake, I’m kidding-don’t send me angry mail. It’s a rubber duck, really, come on).
Editing Overboard | # |
Uncategorized — J.S. (not the Watergate felon) Magruder @ 12:04 am
An employee at a film distribution company edits "God" out of "God save the Queen" so as not to offend.
January 25, 2007
Shithead | # |
Utter Rubbish — J.S. (not the Watergate felon) Magruder @ 3:00 am
In what has to be the best example of psychiatric excuse making/damage control so far this year, an actor I’ve never heard of (supposedly he’s famous-n-stuff) is getting in-patient "treatment" for being a shithead. And homophobic. He must have really good insurance.
I had no idea they could treat homophobia. What will those brain/therapy geniuses think of next?
This quote is just amazing:
“With the support of my family and friends, I have begun counseling," Washington said in a prepared statement. “I regard this as a necessary step toward understanding why I did what I did and making sure it never happens again. I appreciate the fact that I have been given this opportunity and I remain committed to transforming my negative actions into positive results, personally and professionally.”
Sure, whatever you say. Shithead.
January 24, 2007
I’m My Own Radio* | # |
Dannypants — J.S. (not the Watergate felon) Magruder @ 11:57 pm
I’m not really certain when the tradition of the lunchtime serenade began. Somehow, over the past couple of years, Danny has worked out a system where he will happily eat his lunch only as long as mummy sits at the table singing. Honestly, it doesn’t take much beyond a request to start me off on show tunes, folk songs and various made-up ditties. I love to sing, and Danny loves to make requests. Typically, I can oblige.
A bit of interpretation is required figuring out just which song he wishes to hear. At two years old, Danny is lucky if he can blurt out "nut brown" and it is my problem to decipher the clue that he wants to hear "Star of the County Down." Usually, I’m pretty good at getting the song correct. I know that "Whale" is Greenland" and "hammer" is "John Henry", and so on. Every once in a while though, he stumps me. Frustrated, he’ll shake his head and repeat, "nah, nah, nah" until I figure it out or move on to another song ignoring his protests.
Part of the difficulty is that pop likes to make up completely weird little songs that people either find hilarious or mind bogglingly offensive. For example, how many people do you know that are capable of improvising a song about the Baader Meinhof Gang set to the tune of "Mickey Mouse"?
"Who’s the leader of the gang that’s made for you and me?
B-A-A-D-E-R-M-E-I-N-H-O-F, Baader Meinhof
Come join the People’s Struggle to be free
Free! Free! Free!"
You get the idea. Anyway, Danny caught me off guard today by asking for a song I figured must have been one of his pop’s compositions.
"Lumberjack." Danny demanded.
What the hell? I tried stretching my brain for songs about Paul Bunyan but drew blanks. He couldn’t have wanted to hear The Frozen Logger" as I’m sure I don’t know but a few lines of it and wouldn’t have sang it before. Stumped, I went to my copy of Carl Sandburg’s American Songbag to look up songs about lumberjacks but again, found myself pretty empty-handed.
I was about to give up when my son began humming a very familiar melody. Oh. That lumberjack song.
I really need to have a discussion with my husband about this.
How am I ever going to explain a two year old sitting at the dining room table mumbling about "suspenders and a bra?"
*Universal Radio.
Toddlers, Tantrums, and My Granny’s Almost Trip On The Eastland | # |
Ask the Historian — J.S. (not the Watergate felon) Magruder @ 9:57 pm
As a parent of a two year old, I have to point out that no matter how horrible Danny’s tantrums can be, at a certain point it is my role as a parent to put a stop to it. I do not believe in negotiating with a hysterical toddler. I find it very difficult to believe that the parents of THIS child were unable (after fifteen minutes) to fasten her into a seat so the flight might take off. The airline reimbursed the fare and was more than accommodating to the family.
Still, I have to be sympathetic to toddlers throwing tantrums as my actual existence is owed to one. When my grandmother was a little girl, her uncle worked for Western Electric and was going to take her to a company picnic. The company paid for transporting the employees via ship, just across the water from Chicago to Michigan City, Indiana. My Granny Alice pitched a fit at the dock. Her uncle Siegfried, unwilling to put up with her nonsense, turned around and returned to the West side, thoroughly disgusted and vowing never to do anything for her again. Until they heard upon arrival home that the Eastland had capsized and killed over eight hundred people. If Granny was an overindulged child before the Eastland, she was all the more so after. I don’t think anyone dared say no to her after that. I’m told that her uncle willed her a considerable amount of money, not surprisingly.
January 23, 2007
So What’s Tonight’s Drinking Game? | # |
They Hate Us For Our Freedom — J.S. (not the Watergate felon) Magruder @ 9:59 pm
How about every time Dubya says, "addicted to oil" you take a shot? Every mention of "dangerous ideology" gets a double.
And While You’re At It, Lie Still And Think Of England As Well | # |
Fake Science — J.S. (not the Watergate felon) Magruder @ 9:54 pm
Oh my goodness! Women who express anger have an increased risk of developing arterial blockages, according to one study anyway. 365 participants is hardly a major study, yet it is being reported as though it were. Since the evidence hardly seems conclusive, I have to wonder just why this is worth reporting unless it is part of a hidden plot to make women shut up. Yes ladies, you could be hardening your arteries by expressing anger, so for the sake of your physical well-being, just bottle that rage up. Wait, I know, why don’t you see your doctor for some pills? You know, to take care of that anger problem.
Menopause | # |
Utter Rubbish — J.S. (not the Watergate felon) Magruder @ 9:44 pm
THIS article about "surviving" menopause is laughably stupid. Scroll down and have a look at the graphic in the sidebar that could only have been designed by a man. I like the added cruelty of superimposing an hourglass over the depiction of a woman’s abdomen (in bright red undies, no less). Ouch.
I personally haven’t been having a horrible time with menopause but I recognise that may not be representative. My mum suffered terribly from hot flashes (and she was taking hormone replacements). We’d be walking down an aisle at the grocer and she’d suddenly make a start for the frozen foods. All but climbing into the freezer case, she’d stand there cooling her sweaty head and trying to appear as though nothing were the matter. Skilled performer that she was, she’d turn her head from the waxed freezer boxes and ask;
"Jenifer, which sort of fish fingers does your father prefer these days?"
I rather admire women who embrace menopause and don’t make an effort to hide it or worse, medicalise it. L worked with a woman that would get up from her desk and declare she was experiencing "a personal summer" and then excuse herself to splash water on her face. I’m actually looking forward to finally being done with my monthly cycle. It is certainly nothing I’m distraught over.
I’m so inspired by the MSNBC report that I’m going to embroider an hourglass on all my undergarments.
Positive Affirmations For The President | # |
As Seen From the Armchair — J.S. (not the Watergate felon) Magruder @ 3:20 pm
After yesterday’s post about Blue Monday, I’ve decided to try applying the positive affirmation technique where applicable. Still, being that I’m perfectly well adjusted and not lacking in personal confidence, it seems more appropriate to offer some confidence building affirmations to those in need.
The President must be feeling a little low heading into the State of the Union address tonight. Democrats in power, favourability ratings in the shitter, war progressing poorly-it’s hard work being the decider these days. I feel it is my duty as a loyal and patriotic American to offer a few self-esteem boosting affirmations to our beleaguered president.
1). You’re probably thinking, "Boo hoo, nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I’ll go eat worms." Really Mr. President, chin-up, will you? A thirty percent approval rating isn’t that bad. Look at it as the glass is half full, or uh, actually, thirty percent full, regardless, that means thirty percent of Americans still approve of your job performance. So c’mon Georgie, turn that frown upside down.
2). It’s hard work rendering the Constitution worthless. The Soviets made it look so easy. But sir, you’re many, many remarkable things, but Brezhnev you’re not. Having a Constitution that guarantees rights and then duly ignoring them takes a certain degree of double speaking skill and frankly, that’s not the area of your greatest strength. Still, you should be pleased that thus far, you’ve been able to pretty well take out the Fourth Amendment and are rapidly closing-in on the First. Again Mr. President, I say "chin-up", you’re accomplishing far more than the critics give you credit for. Think of your legacy.
3). The past year was not a complete waste. Think of all the brush you cleared away at the ranch in Crawford. You know that had been weighing on your mind. Furthermore, you made it through an entire year without a major bicycle mishap. When you’re up there on Capitol Hill this evening and the applause from your own party seems less than enthusiastic just try to tune out Cheney’s screaming in your earpiece for a minute and remind yourself, "I’m the president of the United States of America, and I can ride a two wheeler all by myself."
Now go get ‘em Mr. President!
January 22, 2007
Blue Monday | # |
Fake Science — J.S. (not the Watergate felon) Magruder @ 6:24 pm
Pure nonsense. Personally, I don’t need to look for an occasion such as glum winter weather to settle in with a glass of wine and an interesting book. I also don’t need a psychiatrist (oh piss off, will you? I most certainly do not). That said, we’re to believe that today is the "most depressing day of the year." Reasons cited for this mass unhappiness include spending beyond one’s means and inclement weather.
It is a blazingly gorgeous winter day here in Southeastern Nebraska. Really, like something out of a Currier and Ives engraving. The sun is out casting diamond-like effect upon the new fallen snow. Lovely, really. I don’t have any debt at the moment either. Still, I don’t want to see myself "at risk" of lapsing into some horrible life altering unhappiness-so I’m going to start drinking and reading any moment now. It is presently 11:53 AM. My mum always insisted that one was not truly an alcoholic so long as they reserved their drinking for after the noon hour. She was frequently smashed by three in the afternoon, but mind you, she was never depressed, or by her criteria, an alcoholic. So at the strike of noon, it’s a bottle of Boodles and a copy of Edith Hamilton’s Mythology, for this mental health conscious blogger. I mean, why tempt fate? Depression is so…common.
I was set to assume the article was directed at women (you know, because we’re all been biologically reduced to our hormones) as the first bit of advice was to dress-up and put on cosmetics. Before I could properly summon my outrage though, I stumbled upon THIS article about mascara being marketed to men. Either way, isn’t it lovely how those who claim to be such authorities on our minds and self-esteem find it necessary to fall back on logic that would have us attempt to be something other than what we are?
If anyone would care to share some affirmations in the comments-feel free. I’ll start.
"I’m better at spotting pop-psychology rubbish than anyone else."
Big Brother Totally Ruined My Outfit! | # |
Police State — J.S. (not the Watergate felon) Magruder @ 1:39 pm
The public school district in Lincoln, Nebraska is debating a rule requiring students to wear identification badges around their necks. The district is citing a problem with students from other schools arriving on campus to partake in fights. I call bullshit. Rather, what this policy reflects is a growing acceptance of the total monitoring of our lives. It is conditioning school children for the RFID world they will face in adulthood.
Yes, they will be able to conduct all of their daily activities from purchasing lunch to checking out library books with a swipe of a card, and that information will be permanently compiled-somewhere? Access controlled by? Well, I’m sure they will sort that all out later and if at some future date employers can peer into those records to know who was routinely tardy to class, ate peanut butter sandwiches daily for lunch, and what books they read over four years of high school, well, everyone will be in the same situation, presumably providing some sort of leveling?
This comes in the same week that police in Massachusetts are pushing for iris scans of students so that in the (highly unlikely) event they are kidnapped, the police can scan they eyes of every youth they encounter in hopes of finding a match. I’m sure that is the only instance in which this sort of thing would be put into use.
In Britain, the fingerprint route is being taken with the argument that it will simplify the lunch line.
Over and over, the message is being conveyed that we, as individuals, do not have any rights governing our information, let alone our actual biometrics. Rather, the argument is that we are all property of the state, and as such, should be accountable for our thoughts, actions and whereabouts at all times.
The Lincoln students should count themselves fortunate the district isn’t going ahead and demanding a swab of their cheek tissue as well. At least, they aren’t yet. After all, police are still free to try the handles of their parked cars in the school lot to conduct quasi-legal searches. Usually though, they just send out dogs.
I’m Not Dead | # |
They Hate Us For Our Freedom — J.S. (not the Watergate felon) Magruder @ 3:34 am
-Bet you thought the Windigoes got me, huh? Ever see a set of footprints that seem to vanish in the snow? Windigoes. It’s true. I’m an anthropologist, I know about these things.
It snowed as it has not snowed in many, many years in this place. I sent Danny outside bundled-up in snowpants, mittens, hat and coat to play with his pop in the yard (after checking for Windigoes). Really grand.
I realise people are expecting me to weigh-in on the Clinton/Obama/Richardson development in the presidential race, but really, what is there to say? I haven’t voted for a Democrat in a presidential election since Dukakis. I’ve voted Socialist, Green, and Independent, but I’ve not been able to convince myself that it is better to engage in lesser-evilism. I’d still rather vote for someone I wanted to vote for that had no chance of winning, than vote for someone I did not want, that might win.
All the fuss over the announcements is a distraction anyway. While we waste brain cells considering the possibility of Hillary Clinton becoming president of the United States (God help us) the President we have is sending his Attorney General to Capital Hill to assert that Constitutional protections such as Habeas Corpus don’t really apply to everyone. Furthermore, while we’re at it, we’re going to just go ahead and start convicting people based on heresay, because, uh, well… because we can.
USA! USA! USA!
Now really, I just cannot seem to put my heart into speculating what the implications of a Hillary Clinton, or Barack Obama presidency might be, as we’re currently establishing ourselves as purveyors of human rights abuses at home and abroad. A Democrat in the executive branch won’t change that. Democrats in Congress won’t change that. We need community organising more than ever. I miss Saul Alinsky.
January 18, 2007
John Edwards Yesterday And Today | # |
Uncategorized — J.S. (not the Watergate felon) Magruder @ 4:24 pm
The latest Zogby poll has Edwards doing well in Iowa. A quick check of the archives from my previous blog confirmed that Edwards was also doing quite well in Iowa exactly three years ago this week (related posts HERE and HERE*).
Interesting to note how impressed I was initially, yet by the time Kerry selected him as a running mate, disgust had set in. Perhaps living in Massachusetts for so long I’ve developed an unfavourable reaction to anything or anyone associated with senator Kerry.
For all Edwards’ moralising about poverty and race, he still made a point of drawing attention to his support of the death penalty. That stand seemed so terribly inconsistent with the rest of his speech that I was left with the impression that he genuinely supports capital punishment. He’s going to need to work those inconsistencies out if he wants to be president, as inconsistency is currently treated as being hypocritical. Too bad really, as it leaves the public with politicians unwilling to take a serious position on much of anything. Any wonder people resort to voting based on personality when there is nothing substantive to base an opinion on?
* I’d like to think my writing has improved over the past three years. God, I sounded like a pretentious asshole.
Medical Marijuana Clinics Raided | # |
Police State — J.S. (not the Watergate felon) Magruder @ 2:38 pm
Isn’t there any real drug trafficking the DEA could be interrupting rather than setting their resources on raiding medical marijuana clinics in a state that has legalized it? This sounds like the equivalent of a dog lifting its leg to mark territory and declare itself the Alpha. I read somewhere (should have bookmarked it, sorry) that a fair amount of the marijuana seizures made by the DEA was "ditch weed" that grows wild across most of the country. Ditch weed has no drug qualities, and is best used for making rope. A bit of humour-the wildlife conservation area down the road, which is government land, is positively overgrown by the stuff. It is largely a nuisance plant that gets into agricultural fields and requires more and more spraying to get rid of. No one would willingly cultivate ditch weed, yet that’s what they are focusing efforts on seizing-along with raiding legally operating clinics.
The article states that no arrests were made, just seizures of property, which makes this raid appear even more suspect. Meanwhile, some very sick people will be forced to endure unimaginable pain.
January 17, 2007
Everything Old Is New Again | # |
They Hate Us For Our Freedom — J.S. (not the Watergate felon) Magruder @ 7:05 pm
The TALON programme is even worse than first suspected. The ACLU has made documents available from their FOIA request regarding the monitoring of individuals and groups for anti-war protesting.
I can’t imagine why anyone would think this might have a "chilling effect."
Just Because You’re Paranoid… | # |
Police State — J.S. (not the Watergate felon) Magruder @ 6:52 pm
Ah well, actually they are out to get you, or implant a monitoring chip anyway. You know, all it will take to implement electronic monitoring of persons labeled ‘mentally ill" will be one fantastic story involving a so-called "mental case" harming someone. The powers that be will trot out the tired argument of how if this intrusive use of technology "saves one person" then presumably, according to someone, it is worth it. I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for chips to be implanted in corporate CEO’s to monitor them for potentially criminal behaviour, though arguably, as a group they stand to hurt many, many more persons than your typical person receiving psychiatric care. These technologies almost miraculously only seem to "work" when used on vulnerable groups of people. Expect to see ex-con’s undocumented immigrants and welfare recipients, and any other group that is in a position where they are unable to refuse added to the list. The technology is there for the using and really, as was often noted during the last nuclear build-up; no one purchases a firecracker without the intention of setting it alight. Why wouldn’t governments wish to make use of technology to monitor every possible aspect of life-and who is to say whether it might potentially be of use at some point? All the better to begin amassing information now.
Think of the economic benefits of a society built upon constant round the clock monitoring of the population. Everyone wins. From the person monitoring the mental patient’s chip to see if there are any ‘abnormalities" taking place, to the "professionals" dispatched to deal with the person, to the hospitals that treat them, to the drug companies…and on and on. Can’t operate a proper police state without foot soldiers. Everyone knows, prisons bring jobs to communities. We needn’t be bothered with issues of human rights if we can effectively dehumanise people to the point where these sorts of schemes would even be considered. For the greater part, this has already been accomplished, abroad anyway, where we can kill 100,000+ people and justify it as killing "terrorists" or "the enemy." Arguing in Bad Faith takes surprisingly little intellect, and even less creativity.
On a positive note, this might put the brakes on parents and doctors so quick to label children with mental illnesses for the sake of expedited billing. Considering the ease with which these labels are placed upon people, it may well reach a point where there are no "sane" individuals left to do the surveillance.
